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Things are happening so fast and in the blink of an eye, it Feb already. At times things seems to be getting better but other times it seems to get worst. I’m confused and is unsure how to deal with it anymore. I can only pray.
Praying to some may seems like a lame excuse of not actively doing something, but when everything you do seems to make things worst, you soon realize that you should take a step back and let God come into the foreground instead. Because He knows better than I do, so why do I keep insisting my way?
2 things on my wish list, less obsession and more dependent on me. A wishful thinking? Maybe. But at least I’ve made my point. Oh, I did wish for truth and openness, and not sure if it will go down as just another hope.
In the movie Forest Gump, the famous line is “life is like a box of chocolate, you never know what you gonna get”. And I guess it’s 100% right. Life is so unpredictable. Someday you can be in estasy, another in complete dispair. Sometimes you feel so loved, another you feel like the world is against you. But do we let our situations or feelings control us? The obvious answer is no. The big question is how? May God grant each of us the wisdom to overcome.
The result of not overcoming can be deadly. Some might go for the worst and take their own life, some may go crazy, some may just wallop up in a corner every night and cry, yet still some may just live a life without feelings. Some are good at covering up, others not so. Whatever it is, know that you can never deal with it alone. And if you are, like me, running out of options, than seek help from the Almighty God, who was and is and is to come.
You know something? Reality will always loose to fantasy. I’m sure you know why. Reality is harsh and usually unacceptable, but fantasy is sweet and without faults. So if I am in reality, I will always come 2nd best to the one in fantasy. It’s tough to accept, but is something I perhaps need to face up with.
I’ve been having lots of struggle lately, and struggling to cope with this fact is one major issue. I told myself that I cannot loose to fantasy, because I’m real! There is life breathing in me and I can react according to different situations, so I cannot loose to something that is unreal. But how wrong I am.
I soon realize that in the fantasy world, everything is perfect. Yes, even faults in the real world becomes a good thing in the fantasy world. So I am in for a shock, and reality shows that I am not only imperfect, but a burden sometimes. Can someone be deeply in love with someone in both worlds? We may be lead to believe it can happen and that love in the reality and fantasy don’t cross. I’m not so sure about that. What if the fantasy became reality? What if the fantasy turns out to be something as real as it can be? It does complicates matter a lot more but we will never know who than is the ultimate winner. The fear is that fantasy turns reality will triumph over the old reality, as the old reality is boring, a burden, and reminds of the unhappy pass.
Are you living in reality or fantasy? Or both? I hope happiness and love can be found in the real world, as that is what is suppose to last through the ages.
Today I broke down again. Just can’t help myself and with breakthrough not forthcoming, and triggered by some events, I just cannot stop.
My heart is burning with pain, but who will understand me? I’ve been seen as been selfish, thoughtless, unaccomodating, not understanding, helpless, the list goes on.
How long can I go on longer without breaking down again, how much longer before I go beyond breaking down? I don’t know.
It’s been a tough few days, thank God I don’t have to face it alone. God has been gracious and things are beginning to be on the up. Or at least that is what I hope will be. To be frank, I do feel that there is a wall divide, and it is up to me to break it down. With His help, I hope it will not be long, as the longer it goes the worst it is going to become.
So the next few weeks are going to be key, as I commit the situation to God daily and hope for small breakthroughs everyday. Keep on praying…
What a wonderful place! Thank God for His wonderful creation. I needed some time alone with God with no distraction so that I can re-commit my life to Him afresh in this new year. Sitting admist this serene environment, one can’t help but be amazed by why God can do.
This morning, I did what I had not done for a longest time, spending 2 distracted hours with God. Here you can scream, shout, sing, pray, and even a little dance with not much distraction. And I think it is time for me to start 2010 on a right note.
Seated beside this tree, I re-committed my life to God in a fresh way. Giving up myself as I am simply nothing. Nothing I did or do are right, and I need His touch, His wisdom, His help. Here I realise that I am further away from God than I could admit, and how it must have broken His heart. Sorry Lord, for the tears you must have shed for me. And here I realise that I need to have an even tighter grib on a hand and never let it go. I will not give up, and with God’s grace, I will be able to see through this situation and may God be the Glory.
Thanks be to God, who always leads us to triumph.
I almost wanted to give up writing, but having an iPhone is just wonderful. Having found a WordPress app that works with self-hosted wordpress, I think it will make it easier for me to blog again, like what it did to make me twit and Facebook more often with their respective apps. So here I am, with my Starhub powered iPhone, writing my first post for 2010.
Having survived my 1st week at work, I am glad that the 2nd week started out much better. I can feel my wound recovering well and guess in a couple more weeks (or slightly more), I shall be raring to go. Hoping to be able to participate in the Run NUS 2009 this Sun after missing the SAFRA Bay Run as there is no way I can run in my condition.
The BPL season has started once again and I have to endure the scorns of manu and chelski fans after Liverpool started the season with a defeat while the rest of the big 5 win. But the mid-week game means Liverpool is able to go back on track with a 4-0 win over Stoke, especially after 2 nil-nil draws last season. And with the news that manu lost to newly promoted Burnley, it was simply a great feeling. Obviously been manu u don’t expect them to lost 2 games in the row so it was expected that they walk over Wigan over the weekend. Chelski, Arsernal, Spurs and Man City all had a great start to the season, but as we all know, the season only ends in May 2010, not next week. So it is going to be a long season. It remains to be seen who will remain at the top come Christmas.
The last weekend is also the return of F1 after a long break. McLaren seems to have got their package correct when they qualify 1-2 for the 1st time this season, but a pit lane screw up, and a lack of speed (vs the Brawn anyway) see them finishing 2nd and 4th instead. Kimi started from 6th and finished among the podium for another great race following his Hungarian 2nd place finish. Ferrari’s temp replacement for Massa (I didn’t even want to mention his name) had a mess of a race and if I (and millions other Ferrari fan I’m sure) have a choice, I wish he don’t start at Belgian. He was so bad that the reason he finish the race is because he is too careful. And the reason he manage to be better than Nakajima is because he has to drive an entire lap with 3 tires after one burst just after he passed the pit entry. His day of misery is compounded when he gave up his position while coming out of the pitlane. I have never seen someone race so bad before. I sure don’t hope seeing his in Singapore. Really wish Massa will recover for the Singapore leg.
With the Singapore races coming up in slightly over a month, I am beginning to feel excited. Having met up with some old friends, and new ones, recently for our sector briefing, it was just great to be talking F1. Next up is to look forward to the training when I really hope I can be up to mark as a recovery specialist. Wish me all the best!
I went for my medical follow up appointment yesterday, in my 1st venture out since 2 weeks ago. The trip never felt so long. Doc says my wound is healing well and will need at least 6 more weeks to be totally healed. Gosh, I thought he was kidding but he was not. So it will be a tall order when I go back to work to live through the pain for the entire day. After collecting my medication (which I have to ask for it), I headed home and on the way, I started to feel tired and giddy. Guess the long distance and all the waiting had taken a toll on me. When I reach home, I hit the sack for the next couple of hours till my wife woke me up for dinner.
This morning, I slept till 9am even though I sleep at 9+ pm yesterday! Considering that for the last 2 weeks I woke up at 5+ am and couldn’t get back to sleep anymore, even on nights where I sleeps way way pass midnight. Can’t believe I’m so weak just because of 1 trip out. Wonder what will happen if I need to be out the entire day. Guess I have to find a way to ease myself back to work.
I lived another day! Haha…lots of things happened today, and it’s barely 3pm.
I woke up feeling the best day of my last 9-10 days and thought my recovery is near to completion. So I decided to venture to the mini-mart across the road for my furthest venture yet. Half way through, I started to regret. The pain is back but I persisted on as I was determined to buy somethings over there. Having again overestimated myself, I bought quite a bit of stuff and while walking back, the pain got worst, as I guess the weight I was carrying play a part. Stupid old me, I should have just rested. But I guess I was getting impatient.
Back home, I was reading the latest Liverpool news. Yes, Alonso leaving is old news. Nevermind he was an unknowned when Rafa picked him out in 2004. Nevermind he won his first major trophy with Liverpool. Nevermind he was a regular in the Spain squad since joining Liverpool. Nevermind the fans adore him and pleaded for him to stay. His mind was already made up…in May!!! Right after the season ended he has already made up his mind to turn his back on Liverpool. Goodbye Alonso, and I am still glad for the good years you brought along to Liverpool. Now I hope you don’t do so well in Real Madrid…oops…did I say that out loud? I mean I still hope you do well, just not so well.
The news of the day is Rafa has already lined up a replacement. Hours after Alonso flies into Madrid to complete his medical, Liverpool has agreed a deal with Roma for 25 years old Italian international Alberto Aquilani, presumably for less than 2/3 of the fees they received from the Alonso deal (which is rumors to be somewhere between £28-30mil with additionals). While many don’t, I do put my faith in Rafa. Look at the players he has brought in, besides Alonso, he has brought in players like Torres, Mascherano, Benayoun, Riera, Aurelio, Reina, Skrtel, etc…the list gones on. Many of this players had many critics wondering, but they turn out to be great players. I know, there are some not so good buys, which he quickly shipped out, and some who are still developing, which I see potential. There are those that I do not agree, but generally, I am impressed with his buys so far.
The only problem is whether Aquilani can pass a stringent medical due to his injury problem, and if he can bed into the sqaud as quickly as Torres did. Sad to say Italians don’t travel that well, and I hope he is one of the exceptions. If he does, from what I read, he will be a great link up player in the middle of the park, and youngest and fastest too (compared with Alonso). Italian football are very technical, which is what is needed as a midfield linkup man, so I am keeping my finger crossed.
Another big news today is that the role allocation for the F1 Singapore Grand Prix 2009 is out! I will be a Recovery Specialist this year and boy oh boy it’s going to be fun! I will be at Turn 8 this year (vs Turn 18 last), and from what I know, it is one of the high risk corner identified. With Michael Schumacher back (hopefully for the Singapore leg too), and the championship race hotting up (vs the early gloom that it’s going to be a 1 team championship year), and McLaren and Ferrari improving their cars by leaps and bounds, it promises to be a good year. And guess what, we get to go to Pasir Gudang for a day of training too! How cool is that!?! Heehee…now all I need is to make sure I recover quickly, so that I will not miss out on the trainings coming up.
Cheerios!