No chance to bring them to cycling, stayed indoor the whole time. Today outside my house it started to smell, real bad. And the smell is creeping into my apartment. Arrgghhhh!!!!

It’s easy to fall sick so everyone need to load up with some vitamins. Got the gummies multi-vit for my boy and he loves it, reminding me everyday to give him. Great, finally don’t have to keep asking him to take those chewable that he dragged his foot to eat.

NEA says the rain will stop at midnight, which obviously didn’t. Now they are saying it will rain till 6pm. Let’s see if they got this right, I do hope so. Wonder where so much rain comes from, even our reservoirs should be flooding with this much rain, and the barrage too.

Guess I want to echo my son, “Rain rain go away, come again another day, EVERYONE wants to play”

今天心情很复杂。又是低落，又是愤怒。又想哭，又气自己。今天凌晨我喝了一瓶啤酒，想喝了不会胡思乱想，会容易入睡。但都没用。我很想不去想他，但又无法控制自己。

我想不顾一切的去释放，又没那力量。我恨我自己。是我的问题吗？还是被蒙蔽得看不到真正的问题？

我以无能，只希望主能。

I went out and did something crazy last Fri before the new year. I spent $39 on a new bike. Ok, not exactly, that was the cash portion, I had around $560 of vouchers which I used every last bit of it. Than I blow $90 today on a Biologic iPhone mount which is waterproof, shockproof but not walletproof :p I think I have been a jerk for spending all those money (voucher or not) on these. I needed it for a upcoming cycling event, but I could have borrowed or rented, but this selfish prick just went out and spent. What’s next? A mantatory helmet, a comfortable padded tights, headlight, rearlight, pump, bottle holder, small saddle bag, tools, the list goes on. Not sure what shit hole I am getting myself into but it sure looks deep.

And boy I am guilty. So guilty I feel like poking myself with something sharp to wake my b*%%#^ brain up so that I will not do stupid things again. Arrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhh!!!!!

Here’s wishing all a roaring year of the tiger and lots of love for all.

So I search the net to see how to allow my blog to accept Chinese characters and hopefully the solution works.

我可以写中文吗？希望可以。

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Praying to some may seems like a lame excuse of not actively doing something, but when everything you do seems to make things worst, you soon realize that you should take a step back and let God come into the foreground instead. Because He knows better than I do, so why do I keep insisting my way?

2 things on my wish list, less obsession and more dependent on me. A wishful thinking? Maybe. But at least I’ve made my point. Oh, I did wish for truth and openness, and not sure if it will go down as just another hope.

In the movie Forest Gump, the famous line is “life is like a box of chocolate, you never know what you gonna get”. And I guess it’s 100% right. Life is so unpredictable. Someday you can be in estasy, another in complete dispair. Sometimes you feel so loved, another you feel like the world is against you. But do we let our situations or feelings control us? The obvious answer is no. The big question is how? May God grant each of us the wisdom to overcome.

The result of not overcoming can be deadly. Some might go for the worst and take their own life, some may go crazy, some may just wallop up in a corner every night and cry, yet still some may just live a life without feelings. Some are good at covering up, others not so. Whatever it is, know that you can never deal with it alone. And if you are, like me, running out of options, than seek help from the Almighty God, who was and is and is to come.

I’ve been having lots of struggle lately, and struggling to cope with this fact is one major issue. I told myself that I cannot loose to fantasy, because I’m real! There is life breathing in me and I can react according to different situations, so I cannot loose to something that is unreal. But how wrong I am.

I soon realize that in the fantasy world, everything is perfect. Yes, even faults in the real world becomes a good thing in the fantasy world. So I am in for a shock, and reality shows that I am not only imperfect, but a burden sometimes. Can someone be deeply in love with someone in both worlds? We may be lead to believe it can happen and that love in the reality and fantasy don’t cross. I’m not so sure about that. What if the fantasy became reality? What if the fantasy turns out to be something as real as it can be? It does complicates matter a lot more but we will never know who than is the ultimate winner. The fear is that fantasy turns reality will triumph over the old reality, as the old reality is boring, a burden, and reminds of the unhappy pass.

Are you living in reality or fantasy? Or both? I hope happiness and love can be found in the real world, as that is what is suppose to last through the ages.