Archive for January, 2010

Reality vs Fantasy

Saturday, January 30th, 2010

You know something? Reality will always loose to fantasy. I’m sure you know why. Reality is harsh and usually unacceptable, but fantasy is sweet and without faults. So if I am in reality, I will always come 2nd best to the one in fantasy. It’s tough to accept, but is something I perhaps need to face up with.

I’ve been having lots of struggle lately, and struggling to cope with this fact is one major issue. I told myself that I cannot loose to fantasy, because I’m real! There is life breathing in me and I can react according to different situations, so I cannot loose to something that is unreal. But how wrong I am.

I soon realize that in the fantasy world, everything is perfect. Yes, even faults in the real world becomes a good thing in the fantasy world. So I am in for a shock, and reality shows that I am not only imperfect, but a burden sometimes. Can someone be deeply in love with someone in both worlds? We may be lead to believe it can happen and that love in the reality and fantasy don’t cross. I’m not so sure about that. What if the fantasy became reality? What if the fantasy turns out to be something as real as it can be? It does complicates matter a lot more but we will never know who than is the ultimate winner. The fear is that fantasy turns reality will triumph over the old reality, as the old reality is boring, a burden, and reminds of the unhappy pass.

Are you living in reality or fantasy? Or both? I hope happiness and love can be found in the real world, as that is what is suppose to last through the ages.

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Help!

Friday, January 29th, 2010

Today I broke down again. Just can’t help myself and with breakthrough not forthcoming, and triggered by some events, I just cannot stop.

My heart is burning with pain, but who will understand me? I’ve been seen as been selfish, thoughtless, unaccomodating, not understanding, helpless, the list goes on.

How long can I go on longer without breaking down again, how much longer before I go beyond breaking down? I don’t know.

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Praying for Breakthroughs

Thursday, January 28th, 2010

It’s been a tough few days, thank God I don’t have to face it alone. God has been gracious and things are beginning to be on the up. Or at least that is what I hope will be. To be frank, I do feel that there is a wall divide, and it is up to me to break it down. With His help, I hope it will not be long, as the longer it goes the worst it is going to become.

So the next few weeks are going to be key, as I commit the situation to God daily and hope for small breakthroughs everyday. Keep on praying…

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Starting 2010 Afresh

Tuesday, January 26th, 2010

What a wonderful place! Thank God for His wonderful creation. I needed some time alone with God with no distraction so that I can re-commit my life to Him afresh in this new year. Sitting admist this serene environment, one can’t help but be amazed by why God can do.

This morning, I did what I had not done for a longest time, spending 2 distracted hours with God. Here you can scream, shout, sing, pray, and even a little dance with not much distraction. And I think it is time for me to start 2010 on a right note.

Seated beside this tree, I re-committed my life to God in a fresh way. Giving up myself as I am simply nothing. Nothing I did or do are right, and I need His touch, His wisdom, His help. Here I realise that I am further away from God than I could admit, and how it must have broken His heart. Sorry Lord, for the tears you must have shed for me. And here I realise that I need to have an even tighter grib on a hand and never let it go. I will not give up, and with God’s grace, I will be able to see through this situation and may God be the Glory.

Thanks be to God, who always leads us to triumph.

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Carry on writing…

Monday, January 25th, 2010

I almost wanted to give up writing, but having an iPhone is just wonderful. Having found a Wordpress app that works with self-hosted wordpress, I think it will make it easier for me to blog again, like what it did to make me twit and Facebook more often with their respective apps. So here I am, with my Starhub powered iPhone, writing my first post for 2010.

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